Sending love to all. This is a varied beast of an entry, I pray you enjoy:
Gwyllm Speaking @ Exploring Psychedelics
What keeps me going:
Years ago, I recall reading an article that Victor Hugo didn't get published until he was 80 years old (I later found that to be false, he was first published when he was 21 but let us not interrupt where this is going!) ...
This was of great comfort at the time to me, having abandoned music due to a writer's block the size of an iceberg, poor results on our small press, etc. (even hallucinations can give ya inspiration!)
One can always re-invent oneself. It is a task, and you may always feel you haven't risen to your full potential. Totally human reaction that.
When I despair (sometimes a regular occurrence I confess) I slap myself around mentally and tell myself to get back in the saddle and stop whinging. Whinging solves nothing, it keeps you in stasis.
I have 6 canvasses sitting in the garage awaiting my attention. I have letters to publishers I need to send. I have a back log of art ideas, and books to write. Still, I hesitate but in due course I will attend.
After the writing block with music, I fell in love with airbrush work and serigraph. My engagement with the Muse changed. Nothing really is static. If something is not working, try something else.
You can do this. We all can.
G
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Diane:
It has been just over a year since Diane left us to travel to the Western Lands. January 23rd to be exact. Her passing signaled a year of change, both good, and bad.
I first became aware of Diane in the mid 1990’s. Along with my family, we had ventured to Powell’s Book Store in NW Portland one Saturday afternoon. We explored the mythology section, the Celtic selection in particular. Along the way through the store, I decided to visit the burgeoning Pagan selection. I discovered a copy of “The Green Egg”, and within, a wonderful introduction to the Green Egg from Diane, who was its editor. It was love at first read. I must hunt up my copies of The Green Egg again it seems.
A few years down the road, Diane & I became acquainted on VPL, the Visionary Plant List. From there on we became fast friends over the years, finally meeting at the Sacred Elixir’s Conference in San Jose, back when. We got to spend some excellent hours together, along with other beautiful people.
Over the years, Diane wrote articles for The Invisible College, helped edit it, made suggestions, got on my case when I went into lazy mode, demanded excellence in the most loving way.
She was my editor for The Hasheesh Eater & Other Writings. Always there, willing to help, refusing payment. She did it for the love of the project. Her work and input on The Hasheesh Eater were deeply valuable, timely, succinct.
Diane was a lover of horses, dogs, donkeys, kids, cats any living thing it seemed. She had a wide circle, touching so many...
Her generosity was legendary. As far as I could tell, she advocated for everyone whose path crossed hers, and her love of community and community building was ever evident. She cared deeply about those around her, her son Zack along with his friends. Her last years were devoted in taking care of her elderly mother. She gave it her all, and we talked about her mum frequently. Her motivation was always love it seems.
Thank You Diane for being in our lives, and sharing all that you did. We miss you. I miss our talks via computer, and via email. Mary and I talk about you all of the time…
G
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Links: Some these are a bit older, but worth your time I posit:
The Proper Dosage, The Proper Time
The Question Concerning Cosmology
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Closer
Closer Than Breath…
A universe just raging
wild
beyond the fetters
that holds all enthrall
Closer than life
step through the door
We are all
Free
O.B.E/Out of Body Experience
Written in April 2019. I never got around to publishing it…
Sunday started with a long lay in. Plans made earlier in the week cancelled for an extra hour of lazing in bed.
Lots of choices for the day, work on creating a new workbench, graphic work for the Invisible College. One thing I needed to do was attend to Mary's medicine I had to formulate that day.
You may or may not know that she was diagnosed with cancer in September 2018. After an amazingly bumpy ride including an initial visit to the ER that saw her hospitalized for 3+ days, various scans, examinations & procedures for over 3 months after the last procedure was declared cancer free as the polyp/cancerous growth lifted off, seemingly unattached to anything. Mind blowing to say the least, and quite the topsy turvy emotional journey for her, and all that love her.
What I believe is key to what appears as a miracle is that we started treating her with RSO (Rick Simpson Oil) lovingly donated by good souls in Trinity Country & Arcata California. The last month and a half we really poured the treatments on along with 5 Defenders Mushrooms before the clear diagnosis. Mary was being dosed on a24/7 regime. It seemed to have paid off.
(Let me state that I have taken to using 5 Defenders as well due to my immune system hiccups. Check them out if you get a chance, worth your time investigating.)
After the last procedure... we had a respite and then we got a call from her surgeon who wanted to have another consultation. During the consultation he let us know that it turns out that although Mary was at this point symptom free, there was a 12-15% chance that all of the cancer cells were not gone, perhaps diving deeper into her system to emerge as liver cancer, lung cancer or both. This was incredibly sobering. She was given 3 options from radical surgery, to just waiting and observing.
After the consultation, we returned to the RSO treatments. What else? Of course, we were going to engage in this rather than sit back.... So, we had a supply that lasted for over a month, and this last Sunday morning I needed to put another month’s supply into play.
We had a couple of different situations with containers of the RSO, one a bottle and the other a good amount contained by waxed kitchen paper. After I had put the substrate (Coconut Butter) on the stove to melt I put the bottle of RSO on the stove in a pan with water to loosen it up a bit… I was wearing plastic gloves whilst doing this procedure. After struggling a bit with the containers due in part to gloves I removed them and continued concocting the medicine. RSO had leaked out on the countertops, and we had to clean that off as well before finishing up.
So, the medicine was put away and I went about my business for the day. Around a couple of hours later, I felt tired, and as it was Sunday, I decided to lie down for a bit with the window open. As I lay there, my thoughts scattered hither and yon... slowly submerging me in chaos. Decided to meditate to clear my head. As I lay there I started to submerge into a place of light. My body slowly dissolved into it where the outer aspects were like crystal, and as that was happening my consciousness started to float upwards. The crystalline structure melted away as awareness surged upwards through tendrils of plants, leaves, flowers into an infinite glowing field. The "I" that was my individuation ceased to be.
And, just like that I slammed back into my body, on the bed lying in sunlight that was streaming through the window. I sat up, dazed and it dawned on me that I was incredibly high. I shouldn't have been surprised, but there it was. I walked out to the kitchen announced to Mary that I was pretty much out of my box and wandered outside to the yard to get my bearings and to clean some dandelions out. This took about 30 minutes until Mary came and got me.
"Let's take a walk to the river" she said. I was all for it. We got ourselves together and as we walked along, I was coming on stronger, and stronger. My mouth was as dry as a patch of sand in hot sunlight, yet I figured out that it would eventually pass. So, we wandered. Flowering trees, new growth, birds flitting, families out in yards. It was a lovely afternoon. As I walked, I was getting higher and higher. Yet, all was okay. the world opened up on our path to the river.
We walked through our wee downtown, across highway 99, and down to the boat ramp. The river was running high from the rains, and the spring melt up in the Cascades. Lots of debris and logs in the water. we walked south along the shoreline walk. Trees heavily burdened with new growth and flowers dropped petals as we walked down towards Elk Island Park. Past houses, empty lots, and the river moving along. Buzzing... just buzzing. We talked, walking along holding hands until we wandered down through the small copse of trees down to the water's edge, with the path to Elk Island now submerged by rushing water. Except for a flight of ducks, all was silent.
We walked home later and fell into the routine of our evenings. I continued along with my high, sleep finally enveloping me early on. It was perhaps the best sleep I had in many, many months. A healing sleep.
The high went on through the next day, tapering off at around the 30-hour mark. I must have absorbed an ungodly amount of the RSO, yet I am pretty sensitive to cannabis, respecting its powers and uses over the years.
There are a few take homes from the experience:
Revelations kept coming my way, observations of how I had fallen off of my path, allowing distractions to cover up my anxieties around Mary's condition. I had allowed the distractions to submerge my art, my drive, my path. There were many sobering moments of reflection. I decided to change out some of the patterns. Of course. It also showed me the depths of my concern. Can't help that, it goes with the territory.
30+ hours was a bit extreme, but I believe (in hindsight) that it was exactly what was needed at the moment.
So, here I am back at base level, trying to convey an experience that really is impossible to describe. This is in many ways what my life is about with my art, writing and other expressions. I will perhaps forever tilt at the windmills of consciousness and experience, trying to bring it into focus.
As I have posited in talks and writings, cannabis (esp Hashish) opens the door to some of the most profound psychedelic, life altering experiences. After 53 years this incredible ally still has a trick or two up her sleeve, a new lesson to teach, and a healing to perform.
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Radio EarthRites has a new mix!
13 plus hours of great new music!
A Sample!
Thank you for visiting. More coming down, new projects and hopefully renewal of others.
Bright Blessings My Beauties, Bright Blessings!
G
I remember something (falsely) similar about Rennie Mac, but it still inspires me 😄✨
wonderful! thank you!