5-MeO-DIPT

A Report...

Mar 6, 2023

Well it has been awhile since the last entry. Not for lack of trying, but life got in the way and I have several unfinished threads going at this point. More soon, I promise. I have to tie up the European story(ies), and I recently stumbled on writings and memories I would like to share with you all.

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“In Her Presence” One of the last physical collages that I did in the 1990’s. Combined with air brush…

Here is a trip report from back when. I have touched it up a bit grammatically, but the essence is the same. This was first published in The Entheogen Review, Fall 1999. It seemed a golden era, even then. On the edge of a new century, the vista was bright and full of promise…

5MeO-DIPT

I received a gift of 30 mg of 5-MEO-DIPT from an associate who thought I might find it interesting. He stated that it needed a sense of direction and loved activity. I had heard that it was a special experience, both sensuous and a bit on the “mild” side of psychedelia. The reports I had read and heard from friends gave it two thumbs up, except for one who thought it was not very interesting on its own but might be more suited for a day of hiking.

12:30 PM: Mixed 18 mg of 5-MEO-DIPT int a 16 oz of filtered water, swished it about, divided it into two 8 oz glasses, and drank it with my partner. Strange taste! Previously at 12:00 pm, I had dropped off our child with friends for a day of play. For the first time in a long while, the urge hit us to celebrate; exploring a new compound seemed in order for the two of us.

12:45pm: Working in the back garden I got the first alerts. There is a minor change in vision, everything takes a roundness on, and there’s a slight buzzing sensation in the extremities. I continue to cut the lawn with the push mower, now in a hurry to finish before I am beside myself with rushes.

1:00 pm: Retreat into the house, as the sun was beating down. Both of us lay down together in our bed. Feel absolutely poleaxed, losing the ability to focus on any task. Waves of emotion wash through and around us. Tryptamine trembles throughout our bodies. Lots of laughter and goofy grins. This is more than we bargained for but just the same we’re enjoying these moments together. We had expected something lighter.

1:45pm: Back outside into the garden. We had a ground plan of working plants etc. for the day’s activities. When we proceed outside, the smell of chlorophyll and other garden odors is overpowering. Having never had this reaction to plants before, it comes as a complete shock to us. We have often spent time in the garden while exploring, without ever experiencing the occurrence of a turn off to the green and tumbling earth. We sit down in the grass, trying to figure it all out. As we sit, I start to get washes of anxiety, and then nausea slowing building. Everything seems to dither about, almost mindlessly. We are pretty perplexed on what to do next. We are due to pick up our hatchling between 4:00pm and 4:30pm. The strength of the 5-MeO-DIPT keeps waxing, and as it waxes, the nausea does as well. My anxiety turns inward, into self-examination of my life’s path at this time and place. I begin to wonder how long the 5-MeO-DIPT is going to last.

2:30pm: I lose it. Vomit time. Gripping the porcelain and heaving over and over, anxiety riding on me like a veritable demon. I feel better for tossing, but the niggling feelings stay with us. Focus is completely off, yet the life’s path thing keeps on coming back and reasserting itself. I look again into my depths and find issues to go over. It is hilarious in a way, how confident we can be, when in actuality we are a mote of dust flowing with the tides of time and humanity; how much is driven by desire, and just plain accident.

We try to listen to some music, lying down again. The nausea does not abate. we start discussing how we will handle it when we pick up our lad from the friend’s house. Are we up to it?

3:30pm: Working on getting up the strength and focus to go pick the kid up. Calling over is the first task—hard, but not impossible. Everything sounds fine. Anxiety kicks into high gear, not knowing how we will enter into kid world (3 kids at their house plus ours), let alone getting over there. 10 blocks away, driving is not an option; balance is impaired, and heaven know about judgement or depth-perception. Walking it is. Fumbling around the house, trying to reassemble ourselves and personas is a Sisyphean task. What if they realize we are higher than kites? What if our kid picks up on it? (Paranoia gallops away!)

4:15pm to 5:00pm: Out the door with sunglasses and personas somewhat attached. The sun still blazing down as make our way some 10 blocks to pick up the hatchling. Our unease heightens as we get close, but when we arrive, we turn and smile encouragement at each other and venture into kid land. Not only the 4 we were expecting but a couple of the neighborhood strays as well. I can’t tell if we are being overly active and talkative, but we hesitate there for about 10 minutes and then venture back home. The hatchling grabs both of our hands and babbles all the way home. The walk back takes on a wonderful feeling. What we had experienced trepidation over is revealed as a joy. We move through golden haze, laughing and giggling together; the hatchling seems fine, and appears to unaware of our state, as we wish. Though we walk quickly, the time between the houses telescopes into a stroll through the hurly-burly world.

5:00 to 7:00pm: Home again, lying down together in the bedroom while our son runs through the house and yard. We discuss our feelings, deciding that this will be it for awhile with voyaging. We talk about the levels reached over the last two years and the need for a break the 5-MeO-DIPT has indicated. I go over the realization that though this was not the voyage I had anticipated or wanted; it has been one that has revealed much. I find that my focus has come to be more and more on the times spent tripping than on the immediate needs. I have allowed the flow to take over, and to miss points of necessary response. This isn’t pleasant to realize, but it needs to be acknowledged. What the effects of the 5-MeO-DIPT were earlier, with constantly shifting focuses and the inability to concentrate, now are reversed. Extreme focus is found instead of wandering concentration. With this shift comes some bittersweet fruit-realizations that would turn anyone’s psyche, but I ride it out. In the midst of this we finally move outside to work in the garden. The evening slowly comes on, and a friend arrives.

7:00pm: Onwards! Our friend is 77 years old, a longtime advocate and experienced use of MDMA, and an all-around interesting person. Sitting in the garden, we talk about our experiences of the day to him. My partner states her view that 5-MeO-DIPT as basically a dry run, pales in comparison to the plant & fungal allies. She states she will not repeat it, as it overwhelmed her with endless variations of hesitation and low-level constant anxiety plus nausea. Neither very interesting or informative. I concur on some parts but dwell on the sense of direction I am feeling welling from the critical self-examination that I underwent. The evening darkens as we sit. We talked into the evening, I find the hesitation which has dogged all my actions for over a year is lifting. It is as if a gauntlet has been run, and a new course of action made apparent. I walk my friend to his house, then return home for dinner. The evening fades with beauty and laughter, we drift in the afterglow.

POSTCRIPT

As the next couple of weeks pass, much in my life was positively affected. I have some nice offers of work, ending up starting a business with an old acquaintance. I found that mental barriers were lifting or gone that long been present. Life has shifted, and in a wonderful way. Many long-standing problems and issues are by the wayside, derailed on that sunny afternoon.

Having taken more than a month now away from 5-MeO-DIPT, I was asked by my acquaintance who gave it to me, “Would I do it again?” I answered, “Yes, but maybe at a lower dose and with a meal previously eaten.” It will not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it has valid applications. It might be best to make arrangements that allow more of an open-ended day. Deadlines seem to make the experience a bit skittish! There has been a lot of reassessment time, and a general grounding. I am on a couple of months sabbatical from entheogens, as I get my house in order. - Gwyllm

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CODA

24 years on: This was from midsummer, 1999. Our son was 8 years old, about to have his 9th birthday.

This also was a time where my whole take on art changed. I was becoming more familiar with generating collage art with the scanner & photoshop. It was transitioning away from Serigraph, which I have come to realize perhaps wasn’t the best choice, but one that was made. I have dreamed recently of taking it up again, which I believe I shall. Having come to realize that the process of Serigraph is pretty much exactly the same as my used of photoshop... Layering of colour, image, creating depths to linger upon. It has taken me all of this time to realize the continuum that my techniques have followed.

Our friend, who visited us that evening, passed away a few years after. He is dearly missed. He had a Gnostic Temple in what had been his garage. Many remember him fondly.

I have not pursued any research chemicals since those days. I stumbled through that period; I am trying to locate other writings on them. So much has changed since then. Now days, it is mainly art, being with family and friends. It was a distinct time, what I call the second Psychedelic Revolution. It seemed like we would fully arrive at the promises of the first one. Ah, hindsight.

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Music From Those Days…