N, N-dimethyltrylptamine (DMT)

Part 1: The Close Encounters...

I am not here to regale you with the drug tales of the old and addled, but to trace, in my own way a bit of the maps of consciousness that I’ve travelled. This is a tale in two parts perhaps more, due to the expanse of time (as we see it) that it encompasses.

My first experience with DMT was in 1967, early Autumn in Denver, I was still running Mescaline from Texas via Colorado to San Francisco, in exchange for Owsley LSD to bring back to Colorado/Texas. The night I was to fly out, with a couple of hits of Owsley White Lightening under my belt, I was offered DMT by a couple of older friends. I observed them, as they observed me… It proved an interesting experience. I certainly went deeper into the great expanse, but the experience was not out of the world. Having some 500+ micrograms in my system already made it an easy transition. Later that evening, I dropped again on the flight to San Francisco, and then again on landing. And that is of course, another tale for another day…

“Find The Others” - Timothy Leary

Enter, the 1990’s. All of a sudden, with the advent of the Internet, we start to find “The Others”. This was a time of rediscovery and wonder. I actually started to believe that we had almost “arrived”. The ensuing years of course proved otherwise.

Part of that sense of optimism was the early forums via email on the web. One of the first I became involved with was Daniel Siebert’s “Salvia Divinorum” forum. We had such people as Terence McKenna, Jonathan Ott (if I remember correctly) and others who I would meet later on. Having been pretty much removed from the Psychedelic Culture, actually isolated from… It felt like a homecoming. Even though my use of Entheogens had never particularly waned, I was deeply involved with music and art. After leaving LA after returning from London and starting a family in truth with the arrival of our son, Rowan.

Through the Salvia Divinorum list I met some really amazing people, many who are friends to the present day.

When a Salvia Divinorum conference was announced to be held at Breitenbush (up in the Oregon Cascades to the east of Salem) in December of 2000 with many of the people who I had met on the various lists, I jumped at the opportunity.

One of these people was Will Penna, a retired teacher at that time living in Santa Cruz California where he had taught for many years. We decided to go to the conference together, and he flew up to Portland where we met just around the corner from our home at the local bakery on Hawthorne Blvd... 

The conference was amazing, someday I'll go into more details about the happenings. I met so many great people including Ralph Metzner, Kat Harrison, Jonathan Ott and of course my dear friends Dale & Laura Pendell. What a time!

After the conference Will visited for a day or two at our home and we went from online acquaintances to becoming friends. During his visit, we arranged to have him come up and stay with us for a while during the summer.

Just before he flew up to Portland for his time with us, he asked me was there anything special that he could bring. I laughed and said you could always bring some DMT. Much to my surprise he indeed did bring up some.

It was at the time really when interest in DMT was at its highest because the writings and lectures of Terence McKenna. I was very curious as to what I would find in the DMT space after reading McKenna's works on it as well as listening to him speak. 

Will arrived, I took him around Portland, introduced him to friends, and we had a great all-around time. The first evening, we sat and talked. He pulled out a DMT Pipe and showed me the gram or so of DMT that he had brought along. Plans were made for the next evening, for when my son had already gone to bed…

We ended up doing sessions over 3 days. It was a most remarkable reintroduction to this wonderful substance. On each of these days in the one sitting, I would go in two or three times at increasingly higher doses each time. I am compressing the report a bit, not wanting to belabor the subject.

Will was an excellent sitter. He was highly intuitive and a gentle soul. It was a privilege and honor to have had him in our lives. I will always be in his debt for the kindness he showed us.

Will Penna with one of my T-shirts back when

“What we experience in the presence of DMT is real news. It is a nearby dimension — frightening, transformative, and beyond our powers to imagine, and yet to be explored in the usual way. We must send fearless experts, whatever that may come to mean, to explore and to report on what they find.” - Terence McKenna

After reading the reports that McKenna had published about his encounters with entities and his description of those entities, I was very curious to see if this was a shared phenomenon. I had encountered entities with psilocybin mushrooms & mescaline, but they had appeared to be a form of spiritus/genius loci... I.e., spirits of place/land/inherent memory... and of my Matrilineal line going back to pre-Celtic days, back to the days of the great tribal migrations west from the Caucasus.... (a tale for another time!)

1st Evening: 25-30 mg

I went in with 25mg the first time. It was like passing through a membrane that coalesced into a great chrysanthemum flower.

I grasped the concept of death by amazement pretty quick... The chrysanthemum opened up into a great chamber with what appeared to be a tunnel leading out of it into something else... My consciousness was hurtling towards the entrance and as that was happening, I could see what first appeared as waves of undulating light but then broke into discreet groups of individuals, infinite masses of beings vying for my attention. Ah, the Tykes/Machine Elves that Terence had talked about! They swarmed around me in a frenzy, and a thought popped into my consciousness… “They want to prevent you going into the tunnel” … Guardians! Meant to engage with you, to prevent further exploration…

Turning attention to the opening of the “tunnel”, my consciousness blazed past the guardians. I could feel them reaching out and trying to distract and to pull me back. Plaintive cries emitted from these masses as my spirit broke past them and plunged deeper into the tunnel. The passage opened up into a vast vibrating chamber. And, with that, the DMT waned, and I was pulled back into our consensus reality. (This is a shortened version of the occurrences of course, a summation of each day…)

Note: It seems impossible to describe events in English without using words like, “me”, “I” etc. even when describing a state where on the main, “me”, “I” are not even reference points. These are realms that are very hard to put into language. Just Sayin’.

2nd Evening: 35-45mg.

The second night's excursion into DMT space was markedly different than the previous night.

I took two hits and was hurtling rapidly into the tunnel before I could get my grounding in the space. The guardians were again vying for attention, (pick me! Look here!) even more so than before, putting on displays most fantastical, and increasingly frantic but they rapidly receded as I breached the entrance.....

Down the tunnel with blazing light all surrounding... A high vibrating cicada like sound reverberating all around... Colours, matrixes of pattern enveloping.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, bursting into a great domed chamber coming upon a great being sitting there in the lotus position. Instead of arms it had what appeared to be tentacles waving towards me. It glowed with inner light, a haze fading back into the great chamber. It beckoned me forward. There was no fear only wonder.

I accepted the invitation and like my host assumed the lotus position. We sat there for what seemed an infinity meditating upon each other.

I came to think that my host/companion was Vishnu in their original form. The being slowly undulated side to side, gesturing with it’s tentacles. We communicated without words but in thought forms, intricate and layered.

It felt like I was in its interior, and it was in mine. There was this experience of shared consciousness that echoed through our communal beingness.

Slowly the vision waned…

and I returned to our living room. Coming out of the DMT space I became aware of my surroundings and Will sitting there. He sat back as I slowly came around, handed me a glass of water he asked me how it was... I told him of the Vishnu being, and the feeling of communication with it.

We sat and talked for a while, Will said that he'd never had quite that experience and it that it was certainly a unique one. It was a bit of a consciousness conundrum; I had very little identification with the Hindu Pantheon, outside of KRSNA. Why Vishnu? I slept on it that night, and as I have discovered since, the DMT dose was still working through my consciousness, especially whilst sleeping. (More On This Later!) The dreams came hot and heavy, I felt like I was in a great forum, with teacher guides speaking all around me.

3rd Evening: 50-65mg

Third and last night of the adventure. We sat talking for about an hour before hand. After the previous evening I was eager to go in, and to come through the other side. So much to parse after these sessions.

It was a much larger dose than previously, a bit nervous with that… Will loaded the pipe. I took 1 hit, then another. Spiraling…. The cicada carrier wave grew louder and louder until it was reverberating thorough out the universe. Burst through the chrysanthemum all was blazing light, alive and full of meaning. Where I wanted to go was beckoning, yet as I was approaching the Tykes were in hyper mode. I could feel their distress. Observing them, I felt a sudden wave of compassion, and recognition. These were a collective of beings tasked, caught up in a role to guard the gates of their universe against intruders from other realms. It seemed the totality of their existence. Turning away from the intended path, gazing upon the vast undulating multitudes… An overwhelming wave of compassion for those bound to forever guard the gates.

That surge of compassion flowed out of my heart and into the multitudes of beings at the gate in the form of light. As that occurred all of them lit up with realization of my recognition of their plight: I could feel the tide of compassion pouring out of me into their midst. The compassion turned into recognition and love and acceptance of their station.

There was a great churning amongst the Tykes and I felt them focusing upon my being and as that feeling crested a great purple light emanated from them pouring into the core of my being, illuminating and glowing deep into my heart. We were held in the deepest connection and acceptance; cresting higher and higher as the waves of light went back and forth until a great unity was achieved.

Slowly, slowly the descent from this high place began and I returned weeping to our reality.

Will reached out to me as I sobbed. I tried to describe the experience and the glow of that which still permeated my heart. Words that are tied to the finite could barely evoke the experience, just as writing can only be a symbolic gesture to those realms.

I thanked Will profusely for helping me on this journey and for being such a good sitter and friend.

I took him to the airport the next day, and we continued to share adventures and our friendship until he passed away in early 2022. He was/is loved by many who he touched with his kind and gentle spirit.

As I've stated earlier DMT doesn't just last for the 5 to 15 minutes that is reported by many. For the next month I could feel the glow around the heart wax and wane. Trying to describe it to friends during that time was nearly impossible as I would get very emotional and lost in the experience of trying to explain and chart what had been experienced…

I have been blessed in this incarnation to have seen past the limits of our everyday consciousness. The universe is even wilder than we have ever imagined and has been a blessing.

When I think about DMT I am often reminded of this quote:

“listen: there’s a hell of a good universe next door; let's go “ - EE Cummings

There are further stories to tell of course. For the next 10 to 12 years, I engaged frequently with DMT. Along with Salvia Divinorum it was my main ally for many years.

Thank you ever so much for reading this far.

Bright Blessings,

Gwyllm

More about Will Penna here:

Will's Obituary

Some of Will’s writings can be found in past editions of The Invisible College:

Invisible College PDF's

Will Penna in Kathmandu, 2000